The Diary Chronicles
by Holly The Sparkling Unicorn
Summary: A series of Diary entries from various characters that are a part of The Next Generation. Entry One: Scorpius Malfoy


**The Diary Chronicles**

 _April 30, 2020_

 _Scorpius_

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Dear Diary,

I don't understand why I only write in you when I feel trapped. I guess you're like an outlet for me, and the last twenty-four hours have been hell. Bella went off the deep end finally and killed nine Muggles right in front of Naomi. Naomi says that she did it because Mother raped her but I don't know what happened because I was trapped in the cellar. I don't… I don't exactly know what to think about that. Bella has always been a little more… violent than I have, but I wish she didn't bring our ten year old sister with her. I wish she had somehow got me out and brought me with her. But then again, then maybe mother would have brought Naomi with her to wherever the fuck she ran away too. I don't understand how she can just leave and escape the law like that.

Ministry officials eventually found me and my sisters and brought me and Naomi here, to St. Mungos. Bella… well Bella was sent to Azkaban… to await a trial. My sister deserves better than that.

They told me they only needed to do tests to make sure I was alright, I was fine with that, but when Healer Weasley came in I knew their definition of 'tests' was to make sure I wasn't insane. (Why didn't they do that for Bella before bringing her to Azkaban?) I had met Roxanne Weasley a few different times since I was best friends with her cousin, Albus Potter, and when she got a job at St. Mungos as a mind healer, I was at the celebration party.

I wasn't too sure what to say to Roxanne, after all I don't want to be stuck here forever, but maybe talking to someone about what horrors I've had to go through would be good for me. It helps when I talk to Albus, but all he can really do is sit there and listen to me when I need to rant, he doesn't know what to say like Roxanne would. So I ended up saying nothing, which did a whole lot of good because she says that I have to stay here at least three days unless I'm signed out by somebody. She says that she doesn't want me to be put into a random foster home so we're waiting for the Ministry to get a hold of some of my relatives to see if I can live with them.

I agree with her on that front, but why can't I just go home and wait for them to reply there? I've stayed by myself or with my sisters at home many of times. Apparently that wasn't the right thing to say though because she just looked at me with a weird expression. I had to tell her to stop looking at me like that before she finally snapped out of it.

I've owled Albus but I highly doubt they'll let a barely fifteen-year-old sign me out, I can't believe this is happening. The good news is Naomi is here as well so at least I get to talk to someone who isn't a doctor or a weird patient. Something Roxanne said to me keeps playing over in my mind, she said:

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vise versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

It makes sense , really, but I feel like I have a lot more bad things then good things because I feel like crap, like, all the time. Of course I didn't tell her that. But maybe I should. Maybe I should open up to someone. I guess I can just write it all down and then maybe it'll be easier to show someone than to explain it out loud.

Don't you hate when you feel so down that you don't even know how to explain it? I feel like that a lot. I'm exhausted, I'm crooked, and I feel like I want to punch a wall all at the same time. Sometimes I just lie in bed thinking about the things in my life that I know I can't change, and the things in life that I can change but I don't have any fucking energy to change. I feel like everything I touch breaks.

Albus and Naomi are always asking me what's wrong but all I can tell them is I'm fine because, really, how could I even begin to explain this to them? I'm in constant pain, but, I don't exactly know where the pain is… it's just everywhere on my body. I can't explain the pain. All I know is it hurts, it hurts so bad that I want to cry and pout and do anything it takes to get rid of it. I'm a wizard for crying out loud! Why can't I just take some kind of potion or do some kind of spell and make it all go away?

I think of Suicide all the time, sometimes I just wish I was never born at all. I took to cutting myself to get rid of the pain - but I made it the past six months without it. That's actually such a milestone for me – I've made it so far – SO far. I used to do it four or five times a day… and, funnily enough, it made the pain go away. I know that doesn't make sense , how can causing more pain ease pain? But it did, I had complete control of that pain, this pain though… this pain I can't control, this pain is just constant.

I want this pain to go away, and the blade is the only way for that to happen . But I can't do it here. I'm in a fucking psych ward for crying out loud. (Yes, it's ironic that I probably should be here, but I'm only here because I can't go home without an adult). So for the next little while I'm just sitting here in constant torment. Hoping to God that it will all go away soon, because if it doesn't, I don't know what I will do.

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QLFC: I sometimes wish I never was born at all

Potions: Write about someone in a desperate situation

Drabble Club: "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vise versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." by Doctor Who

Quidditch Pitch: Everything he (I) touched (touch) broke (breaks)

Chocolate Frog Cards; Mungo Bonham; write about someone getting an injury. Alt., use the location of St. Mungo's in your story.

School of Prompts: (Location) St. Mungos

Hopscotch: "Stop looking at me like that" (I had to tell her to stop looking at me like that)


End file.
